PUBLISHED 10/04/2006
Grief Counseling
The first step in "mourning" a disappointing outcome is to acknowledge your feelings. "The race was something that was important to you--it wasn't just a little training run," says Michael Sachs, Ph.D., a professor in the department of kinesiology at Temple University. "Your frustration means that you care, and it's healthy to care."
Reliving the details of an experience you'd sooner forget might be painful, but it's important to see if you can pinpoint what went wrong: Did you taper enough? Did you go out too fast? Did you eat enough the morning of the race? "It's a good time to reflect and see if there is something you would have changed," says elite runner Ryan Shay, 27, whose 2005 New York City Marathon performance was compromised by a hip-flexor injury. Even though Shay's livelihood depends on his performances, he doesn't obsess over the bad ones. "Learn from your mistakes and then move on," he says. "If you waste emotional energy worrying about the last race, it's going to take away from the next one."
After a less-than-stellar event, it might be tempting to sequester yourself--especially from other runners basking in the glow of a good race. But Shay says talking to other athletes who have experienced the ups and downs of competition, venting in an online forum, or getting advice from a trusted coach or training partner can help you regain your confidence. These people can also help you maintain perspective. "Hopefully you're looking at running as a lifetime activity," Sachs says. "Focus on the process, why you run in the first place. Am I out here to run a 3:30? Is that the essence of my life? Or am I out here because I love to run?"
When Rehm fell into her postrace blues, she thought about what was at the root of her depression. "I realized I was upset because I wanted the marathon to answer the question: What am I really capable of?" she says. She's spent the past year finding out. "I decided to try something new and started doing triathlons," she says. "Having a year full of little victories has helped. I still have the 'marathon monkey,' and I'll probably do one in the spring. When I do, I don't want to run to erase or fix what went wrong. I just want to run."
Sachs advises following in Rehm's footsteps, and when the time is right, sign up for another race (see "If At First You Don't Succeed..." below). Channel your dissatisfaction into the next challenge. But prepare yourself for the possibility of a less-than-perfect performance by setting a series of three goals: One that's ideal, one that you wouldn't be too disappointed with, and one that's in between. You might want to keep your top one a secret, so if you miss it, you don't have to acknowledge it.
It's easy to lose sight of the big picture. Running a marathon is not just an accomplishment, after all, but a privilege of time and health. Merely surviving the demands of training and making it to the starting line is an achievement. "Don't let a bad marathon control your life," Shay says. "Realize that just training for one is more than the average person will ever do."
